The Golden Wrench

A blog about bicycle repair and maintenance by the mechanics at Freewheel Bike.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

From the Inbox

We were recently contacted by a lady from Indonesia about our "capability to supply me about this products." After a few valuable life lessons, we have learned to not allow exiled princesses of tropical dictatorships to make direct deposits into our bank accounts. Boy, who can you trust these days?

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Monday, November 22, 2010 4:29am
Subject: Order Products


I need to buy some products from you or your company, because it seems you have
capability to supply me about this products and I'm thinking to purchase the new
for this products from you or your company.

First i need to know about your company capability and I would like to ask you a
few question:

1. Do you have capability to charge credit/debit cards as the payment method?
2. Do you have capability to ship via Fedex or UPS International to Singapore?

Please be kind to answer my questions above, and I will start shared that I need
to buy from you or your company and I also hope we could have a good business in
future day.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon

Dear Monica (Oops! I mean "*******"),

We of great thank to you for informing us with respect to the interest of you regarding our product. For you to start share that need warms the intestines of us quite briskly. They are fine, fine, product, as you have clearly discern from Singapore/Indonesia. I received intense surprise upon discovery when Singapore became part of Indonesia (your e-mail originated from Indonesia)! I keep secret quite ably. The rest of the Western world will not know that Indonesia secretly conquer Singapore due to me.

Is not our website truly akin to mythical garden of great happy where bunny-rabbits and wolfs plays side-by-side with no violent? I sit here on a vast, chair and ponder which product from me or "my" company you wish to buy. Perhaps some studded tires? No, Singapore/Indonesia consist mostly of warm. It therefore would be comedy to further say "Pugsley, hand-warmer, Lake winter boot, Salsa Mukluk, other studded tire, other other studded tire, or warm mitten?" on account of Singapore/Indonesia having jungle very much and laden with monkey. This gives me mystery then.

With respect for your questions:

Our company is capable to do many vehement deeds. We sell all sort of bike and durable good related to bike, exert custom bike fit to carcass of customer, exist as walking bike encyclopedia of past and present entities bike, fix or repair daily bicycle of indeed many styles and speed, sing and dance when no customer to detect presence, and meander briskly to locations within the Mobile Repair Unit (which ought to not drive cross ocean with present insurance). At present date, we have a special on Comprehensive Overhaul, to comprehend your bicycle entirely. You save $80, or a whopping 721039.017 Rupiah!

To the point of payment: normally we say "with great happy we take your credit card, you guy!" but only when we see the whites of his eyes (something we learn in war centuries ago). For Singapore/Indonesia, the best method of remunerate occurs when you greet us by mail with great pillowcase full of rupiah (at current exchange rate, 9,132 per dollar) and for the shipping rate. Otherwise, it would be fine good to see the whites of your eyes Monica (oops! I mean "********"). With the pillowcase in wheelbarrow I suspect.

To the point of shipment: To northern continents we would merely dispatch Nick in Freewheel Mobile Repair Unit when ice on ocean occurs good and solid. Since Singapore/Indonesia dwells in water far too temperate to ice over, the hands of us experience enfeeblement. Perhaps again, you come to arrive at us, we cheerfully accept great pillowcase full of Rupiah, and help you back to your conveyance with items. We are locate at 44.968040 degrees north latitude with 93.246466 west longitude. To find us, these coordinates make easy work in defiance of road construction so greatly ever present here where road construction occurs malodorous!

We hope that future day supplies good business in our favor, with respect to above something something.

With sincerity intermingled by compunctions,


Golden Wrench Level Six or So Mechanic and Designated (Delegated?) Answerer of Foreign Propositions